breathe today...

I was lying in bed last night thinking back on several conversations I had over the weekend with several different people. All the different scenarios or problems that these few people brought to the conversation were based on one much bigger issue...pride. Immediately 1 Timothy 6:10 popped into my head - "For the love of money is the root of all evil..." and I thought to myself "pride has to be a very close second!".

So for the sake of getting my point across I'll use this analogy. Imagine a big evil tree. At the root of that tree is the love of money, or more specifically, all things coveted over God. Then imagine all sorts of branches on that tree, all different sizes and shapes. Now imagine the largest branch on the tree. That branch is the strongest branch and it stands out from all the other branches. That branch is pride. That is the branch that we all hang ourselves from. I know, I know...that's a dark analogy, but it's the truth. It's that serious. We hang ourselves from that branch and then proceed to wonder, day after day, why we cannot breathe.

Pride is a poison that will negatively effect every single aspect of your life. Christian or not, you cannot live a peaceful life with pride eating at your heart and soul. The problem is, these days most of us are taught that pride is a virtue. Well, if you enjoy carrying around a proverbial world on your shoulders then you go ahead and hold tight to that "virtue".

I'm no expert but experience is the best teacher (for me anyway). I've made a lot of bad decisions in my life, but one single time that I decided to look outside of myself and my feelings and do it God's way, if you will, I found out that the world does not revolve around me. I realized that people aren't out to get me. People generally don't do things to hurt me, they do things for themselves and sometimes I happen to be in the way. Now, granted, we should always consider others when making decisions that might affect them. But the truth is, every single person in this world is after happiness. Some people are so desperate for that happiness that they don't consider others. That's not something we should be mad about but rather something we should feel sad about. I'm not talking about feeling sorry for someone or in our anger being facetious with a "you poor pathetic thing" type of attitude. I'm talking about really trying to empathize with them. This is very likely the reason for the "drama" in your life. This is why you end up hating people, why you always feel hurt, why you are terrified to trust anyone, why you might act pretty "ugly" when people hurt you. It's a huge miscommunication, a massive lack of understanding. Pride keeps us angry which, in turn, completely blinds us.

There are so many other ways that pride can affect us. Pride keeps us from seeing the big picture in every aspect of our lives because all we can see is ourselves. Another thing about pride is that once you learn how to let go of it you're going to find that a lot of other people need to do the same. So why should you bother letting down that guard that has kept you from being walked all over or hurt all this time? Because if you are able to look at the big picture you'll see that the pain you've been holding on to has a huge affect on your life and you are the only one responsible for it continuing to hurt you. You'll learn that pride is the opposite of protection for the heart.

The key to your happiness lies not only in receiving the love of God, but also in sharing the love of God by caring about others. Pride takes you completely out of the game. You have no shot at happiness and peacefulness in your life if you can't let go of your pride. Take time to understand others feelings and motives. People will still hurt you, but it will be a much different experience. It won't be the kind of crushing, life-altering, end of the world experience that you're used to. You'll start feeling worse for them than you do yourself. Try to put yourself in their shoes and stop seeing everything as a personal attack. We cannot control what happens to us, we can only control how we react to it. We cannot make decisions for others, we can only make decisions for ourselves. I can't even begin to explain the freedom that comes when you decide to look at the big picture. And when you start to feel like "no one else cares, so why should I?" (because it can be exhausting), remember that you lead by example. I should mention that none of this is as easy to put into practice as it was for me to write. Still, you're either leading by a good example or a bad example but you are always one or the other. Someone is always learning something from you, so make it something worth learning. Cut yourself down from that branch and breathe.

Each day decide to trust God instead of yourself.
But we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves, but in God which raiseth the dead: Who delivered us from so great a death….-2 Corinthians 1:9,10

it's not enough to play the part...

Think about a time you saw something wrong, instantly felt the heaviest burden on your heart to do something, and simultaneously looked away .  I know this has happened to you.  I feel quite sure it's happened to us all, more than once.  Now, think about the countless times, I'm sure, you've wondered "what is wrong with this world?".  I guess I've made my point a little early in my rant.

Let me continue by saying: I get it!  -As if I didn't have enough to worry about in my own life! Someone else will help.  If I see it one more time I'll say/do something.- We have all reasoned with ourselves in the same way and although we may think our reasons for not helping were justified, I'd bet for the most part we were wrong.

Now I have a confession to make.  I'm writing this blog about myself.  Lately I've been so consumed with my busy life that I've found myself trying to justify a lot of decisions I've made.  I'm not writing this with some genius solution to this world-wide epidemic of selfishness.  None of us will ever be able to display the perfect love of Jesus Christ.  One of the biggest things that turn people off to Christianity is some Christians themselves.  Saying and doing are two totally different things, it's not enough to play the part.  We need to make sure we show the love God in every opportunity that presents itself.  This won't always happen, we are only human.  Let's just keep reminding each other!  Once I was reminded that I was totally off track I thought someone else might be in a place in their life where they could also use that reminder.  My reminder came in the form of a song...

But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him? -1 John 3:17

Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.-Galatians 6:2

We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves.-Romans 15:1

what's this life for...

I have an obsession with quotes.  Today, as I was browsing the internet, I came across this one:

"We seldom realize fully that we are sent to fulfill God-given tasks. We act as if we were simply dropped down in creation and have to decide to entertain ourselves until we die. But we were sent into the world by God, just as Jesus was. Once we start living our lives with that conviction, we will soon know what we were sent to do." -Henri J. M. Nouwen

At 26 years old I'm still trying to decide what I want to be "when I grow up".  This is something I've always struggled with.  As a senior in high school most of my friends had big plans, plans that most of them have completely followed through.  I had decided to go to a local community college with absolutely no clue of what I wanted to study.  I've never been interested in anything enough that I felt like I could commit my life to it.  The only thing that I knew for sure was that I wanted to help others.  So, I started my college career taking prerequisites for nursing.  This was a total bandwagon decision.  It was what people did when they wanted to help people, they became nurses.  That didn't last and after talking to my advisor I changed my major to Social Science with a concentration in Psychology.  After a year in that major, changing my major to Early Childhood Education, and again back to Social Science, I decided I needed a "break". 

I was told by many that taking a break is a bad idea.  They said things like "you'll never go back" or "you might as well get it over with".  Well, I've always had a bit of a rebellious spirit and the last thing I wanted to do was finish a degree that I didn't even know that I would use (I've never been a fan of school anyway) and I definitely didn't care what anyone else said.  I wanted to take a break, so I took a break.  Five years later I registered for my first semester back since my "break" began.  Why did I go back?  *Sigh...* I'm not really sure.  I get these ideas in my head and think "yup, this is what I want to do with my life".  Times goes on and that same voice starts saying "wait a second, is this really what I want to do with my life?".  Now this might be a voice that most people hear when they are up to their eyeballs in homework and years away from the end, but I've always trusted the little voice inside of me.  I know that there is something that will be a perfect fit for me and I've always refused and will continue to refuse to settle for anything less.

Fast forward to today and I'm still in college.  Right now I'm on my summer break (I never take summer classes in an effort to retain my sanity) and still questioning what the heck I'm doing.  I'll let you in on what might not be a secret to everyone...I'm not much of an overachiever.  I work hard at whatever I'm doing but I don't count on money or success to provide happiness in my life.

When I started dating my husband he was not in the best place in his life.  Still, through the hell he was living he strived to show me the importance of having a relationship with God.  He so obviously had such an amazingly loving heart that I couldn't resist him, and I guess that part of me that wanted to help people gave me an extra push.  Since then I've grown closer and closer to God.  It's funny how I can look back now and see that the dark place that Chad was in and the relationship that God led me to with Chad was the biggest blessing of my life thus far.  In the first half of our relationship I learned to trust God and depend on him more than ever before.  My parents raised me and my sisters in church.  I believed in God, I had even professed my faith in God at a pretty early age.  Little did I know, I hadn't even began to understand what having faith in God meant. 

So, back to today, I still have no idea what I'm going to do.  I don't even know if I'll go back to school in the fall.  I'm not interested in making more money or being in what our society would consider a better position in reference to a career.  The thought of someone gauging my success on the meter of our society makes me so sad.  The relationship that I gained with the Lord through the hard times that Chad and I faced for a few years is what I now understand to be the single most important thing in life.  Through that I have learned that no matter what my occupation, my JOB is to serve the Lord.  I am on this earth for his purposes, not mine.  No matter what you do for a living: cashier, lawyer, garbage man, doctor, teacher, secretary, police officer...your purpose is the same.  What's important is showing the love of God through our words and actions in whatever position we are in.  You cannot take your car, house, clothes, or your title with you when you die.  So how much importance should we really place on those things? 

As for me, my contentment comes from the Lord and my position on the ladder of our society is inconsequential to my life after death. 

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. - Ephesians 2:10

Make known among the nations what he has done, and proclaim that his name is exalted. -Isaiah 12:4

Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully. -Romans 12:4-8

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. -Galatians 5:22-23

the perils of substance abuse, the power of love...

Most of you reading this are probably my Facebook friends.  You may have even been involved in the opinion poll I decided to conduct on Facebook to assist me in completing my latest Abnormal Psychology assignment.  This was the question (as written by my psych professor):

"Do you think alcoholism and substance abuse are results of "moral weakness" or a type of disease?"

As I suspected, there were mixed responses.  In my experience talking with people about substance abuse and addiction the opinions are usually far from center, but one extreme or the other.  I decided to write this blog because I too have an opinion about the subject.  Honestly, did you think you'd get away without hearing my opinion? =) 

FYI - so I don't have to type it out over and over, we'll include alcoholism under the 'umbrella' of substance abuse. 

Substance abuse is a major concern worldwide.  Because of this, a large amount of focus from the realms of law enforcement, psychology, health care, science, special interest groups, etc. has been put into the prevention, understanding, and even a 'cure' for substance addiction.  Now, I've done a lot of research on this topic and my opinion definitely does not lie in favor of the 'moral weakness' argument.  Let me explain why...

As some of you may know, my husband is a recovering drug addict.  Chad gave me permission to tell his whole story but I don't feel that's necessary.  If you know Chad then you know he's an amazing person.  He's absolutely crazy, kind-hearted, hilarious, and caring.  He was raised by two equally amazing people who taught him about the strength of faith in God and always pointed him in the right direction, even if he veered off that path more than a few times.  Even after I started getting to know Chad and learned about his drug addiction I was one who believed that addiction was a result of weakness.  Through my relationship with Chad, and my faith in God that He would get us both through that dark place, I learned some very valuable lessons. 

Have you ever heard the Plato quote “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.”?  Aside from the studies and all the "facts", we are all human.  There are so many elements that go into shaping a person from birth all the way until death.  I've not only had the pleasure of learning from Chad, I've also most recently been learning from friends of his who are also fighting the battle to beat addiction.  These people's stories humble me.  They are in no way weak, they are some of the strongest people I've ever met.  There are so many reasons why a person might turn to drugs or alcohol.  It may not even be that the person has a specific reason but just experiments with drugs or alcohol and becomes physically or psychologically dependent.  We must admit, most of us have experienced with at least alcohol at some point.  Though I won't go into it, I think it's important to note that it's been confirmed that genetics influence substance abuse.  Studies conducted with twins, families, and adoption indicate that certain people are genetically vulnerable to drug abuse.

Substance addiction is a physical and psychological dependence.  I think this is common knowledge but I'm not sure to what extent.  Addiction is a struggle of the mind and body.  I have not personally experienced the perils of addiction first hand and therefore I cannot know how it really feels.  I do feel like having an extremely close, open, and honest relationship with an addict gives me a little room to talk.  To say that a person overtaken by substance addiction is weak, and a stronger person would be able to put it down at their first thought of wanting to, is nothing short of ignorance.  I was ignorant to think that Chad didn't care about me or himself because "he just wouldn't quit doing drugs".  I was ignorant to think that his friends were "losers" because they just "wouldn't get their act together".  It was easy for me to assume that it was that easy because I had never been in that situation.  A person who is addicted to drugs or alcohol is not in their right mind.  No person in their right mind would WANT to be an addict.  I have watched the precious man that I love struggle with something that he ABSOLUTELY DOES NOT WANT for the entire seven years of our relationship -the last three and a half years spent sober (Praise God!). =) 

I don't want to offend anyone or begin a debate, or more likely an argument.  Maybe you do not agree with me and that's your prerogative.  Even if you hold to your opinion of the 'weakness argument', maybe a more kind and loving approach could be taken.  This blog comes from nothing but love because I care so much for my husband and I am so blessed to have had him teach me this huge lesson in my life. I think our compassion and longing to understand others should be unconditional and never ending.    I only want to possibly help people understand that he, along with so many other people struggling with addiction and other hard-to-understand circumstances, are God's children too.  We are all endlessly making mistakes but kindness and an attempt to understand others will not only make a difference for them, it will also drastically change your life. 

When I was little I would wish for snow...

When I was little I would wish for snow.  Today, not much has changed, aside from the reason I keep wishing. 


Life moves so fast.  Although, in reality, you’re responsible for the pace of your life, sometimes if feels like you have no control whatsoever over some moments that just fly right by you.  When you’re a kid you look forward to everything.  Growing up just can’t come soon enough and in the meantime you are counting down the days until birthdays, holidays, summer vacation, Christmas, and snow days!  When I was I kid I loved the snow.  I remember praying before I went to bed that it would snow so much overnight that I couldn’t see out my window the next morning.  There was nothing better than waking up to my Mom saying “School’s been cancelled, go back to sleep”.  I hated school, snow just meant I didn’t have to make up my own excuse not to go.  It was exciting to see what the day would bring.  I looked forward to adventures outside in the snow with my sisters, building igloos and tunnels to play in for hours.   We didn’t have a care in the world…

Today, all grown up, I still count down the days to birthdays, holidays, and vacations.  The trouble is, while I am looking forward to them, I’m also stressing out about that fact that I’m always completely unprepared for them.  There’s always something left to be done when there’s just no time left to do it.  There’s so much going on in most people’s day-to-day lives that they barely have time to think of all the things they need to do, much less actually do them.  Do we slow down often enough to remember what really matters and enjoy life as we’re meant to? 
These days I still pray for snow.  I don’t want to play in the snow, that’s actually the very last thing I want to do.  My classes rarely get cancelled and getting out of work just isn’t going to happen.  I don’t particularly enjoy being cold or having to force our dog, Bentley, to go outside because he hates to get his feet wet.  These days I pray for snow because it’s almost like a not-so-subtle message from God to take a break.  Think about the last time there was such a terrible snow storm that most business closed, schools closed, even businesses that stay open 365 days a year were forced to close their doors and go home.  What is it all for,  the hustle and bustle of our daily lives?  Notice how the world didn’t come to an end when we all had to slow down?  Notice that the truly important things still remained?

This winter I hope you snow haters will look at things a little differently.   Maybe it takes you twice or three times as long to get to work.  Maybe…GASP…you’re late for work. So maybe you can’t make it to work at all one day, or even two.  Look at it this way, if you’re always complaining about your hectic life, snow gives you an excuse to relax.  You can be late, you can cancel appointments, you can spend more time with your kids, your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, your parents, your pets, or even some good quality time with God.  This winter, when it snows, I know you’ll slow down.  The question is, will you enjoy slowing down or will you spend your time wishing away the opportunity?    

in my head...

This blogging thing is new to me.  I know people who blog all the time and I read their blogs all the time, always thinking that there was some special critera to being a blogger.  I see now that the beauty of blogging is that there are no requirements.  It’s not neccesary to be an excellent writter or have some special information to share with the world.  I suppose all you need to have is something to say…

I titled my blog ‘in my head…’ because I’m a thinker.  There is almost always something that I’d like to figure out, analyze, or plan and I’m usually looking for someone else to share in the discussion of the happenings ‘in my head’.  So, I’m looking forward to sharing my thoughts with you!