what's this life for...

I have an obsession with quotes.  Today, as I was browsing the internet, I came across this one:

"We seldom realize fully that we are sent to fulfill God-given tasks. We act as if we were simply dropped down in creation and have to decide to entertain ourselves until we die. But we were sent into the world by God, just as Jesus was. Once we start living our lives with that conviction, we will soon know what we were sent to do." -Henri J. M. Nouwen

At 26 years old I'm still trying to decide what I want to be "when I grow up".  This is something I've always struggled with.  As a senior in high school most of my friends had big plans, plans that most of them have completely followed through.  I had decided to go to a local community college with absolutely no clue of what I wanted to study.  I've never been interested in anything enough that I felt like I could commit my life to it.  The only thing that I knew for sure was that I wanted to help others.  So, I started my college career taking prerequisites for nursing.  This was a total bandwagon decision.  It was what people did when they wanted to help people, they became nurses.  That didn't last and after talking to my advisor I changed my major to Social Science with a concentration in Psychology.  After a year in that major, changing my major to Early Childhood Education, and again back to Social Science, I decided I needed a "break". 

I was told by many that taking a break is a bad idea.  They said things like "you'll never go back" or "you might as well get it over with".  Well, I've always had a bit of a rebellious spirit and the last thing I wanted to do was finish a degree that I didn't even know that I would use (I've never been a fan of school anyway) and I definitely didn't care what anyone else said.  I wanted to take a break, so I took a break.  Five years later I registered for my first semester back since my "break" began.  Why did I go back?  *Sigh...* I'm not really sure.  I get these ideas in my head and think "yup, this is what I want to do with my life".  Times goes on and that same voice starts saying "wait a second, is this really what I want to do with my life?".  Now this might be a voice that most people hear when they are up to their eyeballs in homework and years away from the end, but I've always trusted the little voice inside of me.  I know that there is something that will be a perfect fit for me and I've always refused and will continue to refuse to settle for anything less.

Fast forward to today and I'm still in college.  Right now I'm on my summer break (I never take summer classes in an effort to retain my sanity) and still questioning what the heck I'm doing.  I'll let you in on what might not be a secret to everyone...I'm not much of an overachiever.  I work hard at whatever I'm doing but I don't count on money or success to provide happiness in my life.

When I started dating my husband he was not in the best place in his life.  Still, through the hell he was living he strived to show me the importance of having a relationship with God.  He so obviously had such an amazingly loving heart that I couldn't resist him, and I guess that part of me that wanted to help people gave me an extra push.  Since then I've grown closer and closer to God.  It's funny how I can look back now and see that the dark place that Chad was in and the relationship that God led me to with Chad was the biggest blessing of my life thus far.  In the first half of our relationship I learned to trust God and depend on him more than ever before.  My parents raised me and my sisters in church.  I believed in God, I had even professed my faith in God at a pretty early age.  Little did I know, I hadn't even began to understand what having faith in God meant. 

So, back to today, I still have no idea what I'm going to do.  I don't even know if I'll go back to school in the fall.  I'm not interested in making more money or being in what our society would consider a better position in reference to a career.  The thought of someone gauging my success on the meter of our society makes me so sad.  The relationship that I gained with the Lord through the hard times that Chad and I faced for a few years is what I now understand to be the single most important thing in life.  Through that I have learned that no matter what my occupation, my JOB is to serve the Lord.  I am on this earth for his purposes, not mine.  No matter what you do for a living: cashier, lawyer, garbage man, doctor, teacher, secretary, police officer...your purpose is the same.  What's important is showing the love of God through our words and actions in whatever position we are in.  You cannot take your car, house, clothes, or your title with you when you die.  So how much importance should we really place on those things? 

As for me, my contentment comes from the Lord and my position on the ladder of our society is inconsequential to my life after death. 

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. - Ephesians 2:10

Make known among the nations what he has done, and proclaim that his name is exalted. -Isaiah 12:4

Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully. -Romans 12:4-8

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. -Galatians 5:22-23